changes are a-brewin'

These few years have been some of the most trying times we have faced.  It's not all been difficult but man, it's not been all posies and roses either.  Our Lord has and continues to show His great and merciful love for us in ways we could have never imagined.

Sounds great, right?  Like it is some lovey-duvey, good-feelin' kind of love, right?
Uhhhhhh...no.
We don't feel all happy-go-lucky.  We don't feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  This love that our Father has been showing us is a
'I'm stretchin' and pullin' ya into something beautiful'
kinda love.

It hurts.
It's painful.
It makes me cry.
It frustrates me.
It confuses me.
And sometimes all I can do is call out, "FATHER..."

He hears me and comes to me.  He holds me, assures me of his infinite love...and then continues with, "But girl, this ain't over yet.  Hold on tight, you're in for a ride."

Ugh.

Ok.
Deep breath.
Long sigh.
Refocus.
Alright.  I'm ready for another round.



So here's the deal:  It's been tough, real tough.  But because I know He is all about lovin' me, I can trust that what he is allowing us to go through will somehow bring him glory...and in there somewhere, will change me more into the gal he has designed me to be and my husband and chicks as well.

In the midst of all this, He has given us a new perspective.  Our hearts have changed.  Our desire for Him has grown.  The desire for our children to see Christ--to really see him--has made it's way into our hearts in a new way.  We are seeing things in a different light that may not go over too well with some people once these changes really take root...but somehow, we are at peace with it all.  We have come to this point by no other way than prayer (a whole heck of lot of it) and council.

God has laid these things on our hearts for years and since we started to really wrestle with them, He has confirmed this journey in so many ways, in so many details...even through our chickies.  {This is what I meant when I said that He is showing His love for us in ways we could have never imagined.}
And we are thankful.
Thankful for his faithfulness.
Thankful for his tenderness.
Thankful for his strong hand.
Thankful for his promise to never forsake us.
Thankful for assuring us of his love.
Thankful for reminding us that he loves our children more than we do.

Going back to Him showing us how much he loves us.  He loves us so much that He puts things on our hearts that cause us to evaluate.  ...And in all this, we have had to remember that we have a responsibility to respond to his leading. We could stay where we have been but then would we grow?  ...Maybe.  But more than likely, not in the same way as if we had chose to do the hard thing and follow His lead.  And that's what He wants of us...to choose Him.  So many times in life, choosing Him means choosing the harder path.  The path that goes upstream.  The path that doesn't always make logical sense.  The path that may cause separation.  But this is what it is to walk with Him.  It's not all smiley faces.  It's struggles and tears sometimes...but it's those struggles & tears that spur godly growth in us, growth that makes us more like Him.

So.  Here we are in the midst of struggles still.  Even though it's been painful in more ways than 503 & even though we have a ways to go with all this, I am still so very thankful.  He's shaping us, he's molding us...into something beautiful...something like Him.